It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
