dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
