You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
