and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
