I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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