Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
