please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
