I cut my penus on the lid.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
