I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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