On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
