I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
