no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
