Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
