if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
