I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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