i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
