I met the friendliest cop last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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