the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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