I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
