ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
