There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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