I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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