Screwed.edu
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
