he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
