I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
