oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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