She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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