We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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