It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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