I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
