Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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