This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
