I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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