You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
