Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
