marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
BRING THE BAGELS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
