shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
