I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Life without a bra equals bliss.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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