Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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