Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's rum buckets o'clock
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
