you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
