After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
