I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
