So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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