Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So vagazzling was a success
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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