we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
