I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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