Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
