were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
