i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize