yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize