I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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