Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
