so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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