Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
