I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
