MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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