Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
