I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
