whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
