Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
