Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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