How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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