Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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