i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
