Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
