I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize