we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
