I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
