TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
that is very illegal...i love you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
