I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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