So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize