hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
