yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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