Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How's work?
Spinning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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