dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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